Having Spent the last month traveling back and forth between Utah and Colorado spending valuable time with my Dad. I realized that the burdens I choose to bare are becoming less and less. Nonetheless, they are burdens that I choose to bare.
My parents had asked me why the siblings weren’t very close. I asked them what in particular are curious about? The fact that we aren’t close or the fact it bothers you as parents that one sibling don’t get along with another and that one sibling may ha e issues with parents?
I retreated to my van to think this through even though I’ve spent the past 12 years realizing that in order to know who I am…I’d need to spend time away from the noise, the drama, the sibling battle ground and really find out who #4 is.
The short answer is #4…is Daryl. Not defi ed by a given name…I’m a person who loves being alone listening to great music and to avoid as many people that create drama. I’d much rather a Wednesday on a mountain side than a weekend with the masses. The crying children who don’t want to finish a hike or barking dogs that leave their poop behind because the owners refuse to bag it for them. Mtn bikers who are barreling down the hillside at dangerous speeds. The pluthera of things that I choose to be away from.
I enjoy simple living. Not many would nor could understand a nomadic lifestyle. Most want to live vicariously through someone they know.
Having spent the past 12 years getting to know the things that define me…I reverted back to my parents question of why we didn’t get along as siblings.
My simple response was…growing up in group dynamics…this is how we were raised. The kids this, the twins that…One girl amongst the group.
These were words which defined our family.
I’m not really sure mom or dad could tell you what one did vs the other only that we were out doing our thing.
I believe that we need to foster individual relationships within our families in order to establish how group dynamics work.
I was just #4.
Mom asked me why and was very concerned even grandkids would leave the roost and be alone in the world. I would say the opposite. So proud of these kids for wanting to find themselves. It’s only when we live Ali e that we truly know if we can enjoy our own company.
Mom is very good about listening to the kids and their concerns about what is important in their lives. She is also one to listen to the other siblings say Daryl This and Darren that…Greg didn’t do this and or whatever may be the issue. however…mom doesn’t inform the sibling griping or complaining that this is a burden the sibling bares and she doesn’t need to solve it.
It’s not our job to solve others problems. We can help identify and give guidance but only the individual who bares the burden is responsible for releasing the heavy yoke of the burden.
I could have waited for Dad to walk through his final Outdoor and not forgiven him but I would have carried the burden until my death. Instead…I chose to forgive and release. Many people I talked with in the 12 years I hadn’t talked with my father told me what to do and that I should forgive. This wasn’t their choice but their guidance. I was the one who had to release the burden.
Mom in the same way will continue to love and nurture and carry the Burdens of her young. We see things differently and I believe rather than carry the burden of the young…refuse to carry the burden and make the child (grown ass adults) deal with their own issues. It’s unfair to discuss issues with mom and choose for her to carry your burden that you seemingly can’t seem to fix or control or even release.
Dad is much the same way. He worries about why his kids are mad and or his grandkids won’t talk to him. Dad doesn’t see the harm he causes when he doesnt use the simple appreciative words or caring empathetic words. His burden he will carry to the grace is one of “what did I do to deserve this?” Simply maybe it has nothing to do with him at all.
I could only handle so much before I needed a break from the drama that continues to plague our family. I chose to be free and Travel South.
I met a nice man atop a sedona Spire. Playing a picalo. He was an energy man and believed in the ways of my best friend Colette. Higher power, burden relasing, fly free and enjoy. Propel forward. He gave me a heart shaped stone and said when I feel a burden to touch the stone and release the burden and let it return to the earth.
I’ll continue to work in me to put my needs first to ensure I’m taken care of and that I have the ability to love others with the left over love and patience that they deserve from me. I will guide those that want to release the Burdens they carry but it is ultimately theirs to release.
Having returned back to Denver I am looking at spending some time and deciding what’s essential in my life to get closer to the 155 items that define who I am.
I’m not Lokal to Denver and I choose to keep ny eye on the Horizon. It won’t be long before I fly and look in a direction that my wings need to discover.
Until then if we cross paths know I am free and less confined than I’ve ever been.
Better to have a short life living free and enjoying what you love doing…than a long lufe trapped by Burdens that don’t belong to you living in a miserable way